Is technology interfering with your most important relationships? Have you ever looked forward to intimate time with your partner only to feel alone because they are looking at their smartphone?
Mindfulness is a common buzzword in our culture today. At its heart, mindfulness is about choosing what you pay attention to. Attention requires effort and self-control.
Technology gives us 24/7 instant access. Literally, we can attend to it all the time if we aren’t mindful. Even occasional use can be dangerous if it interferes with time spent in our close relationships.
Of the couples I see, often one complains of feeling neglected by and unimportant to their partner. What connects people is their ability to be attuned to one another.
When you are attuned, there’s a rhythm of responsiveness which improves your ability to listen and validate someone’s feelings. This brings you closer to each other. Every time your partner checks his or her phone for the latest “notification,” there is a disconnect. Your conversation is interrupted.
If this continues to happen, you may feel like your partner is indifferent to what’s important to you.
Being face to face with someone is the best opportunity to be open and vulnerable and intimate. On the flip side, being face to face also presents the greatest risk of rejection. If you feel less connected because of smartphone interference, you aren’t going to feel safe enough to share what’s in your heart.
Often the best way you can say, “I love you,” is to announce you are putting your smartphone out of sight to focus your partner.
Thanks to Psychology Today for the inspiration…